I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
