Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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