honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Couch. On fire.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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