Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
