You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
