I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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