When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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