Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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