hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to calm my uterus...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
