you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
