I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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