Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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