sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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