He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
