If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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