My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
