Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
