well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
