Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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