Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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