this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
