yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
