Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
