Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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