Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
