Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

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(956): View more from Texas

If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

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(602): View more from Arizona

for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.

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(740): View more from Ohio

He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

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(909): View more from California

and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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(425): View more from Washington

Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!

(425): View more from Washington

Just 2. But still.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.

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