Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
