Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
