I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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