are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
