We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
