I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
