I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
