Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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