??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
organizing the empties. That sober.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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