I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's blow job season.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
