I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
