how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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