My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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