I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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