Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
