We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
