Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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