i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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