I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just threw up on my dentist
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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