I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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