Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
