You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
