There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
