Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
