I puked a lego.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
