the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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