it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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