I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm like, not good at living.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
