Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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