I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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