you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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