just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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