I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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