she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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