I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
