Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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