wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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