I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
