I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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