when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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