This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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