Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cannot find my penis.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
