It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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