They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.