Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
