Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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